Do you ever notice that your closest friends can be your worst enemies? They know so much about you and spend the most time with you, so of course they know your habits and secrets. And they're the ones that have to deal with your horrible habits. And you deal with theirs. But you don't care, cus they're like your friend and that's just who they are.
But if something ever happens to throw you off the edge suddenly you guys aren't friends anymore.
Well this hasn't happened. You see, last night my friend Ryan slept over. We talked for 6 hours. It was really nice. We talked a lot about our friends and what we like and don't like (the good of course overpowering the bad). He told me about how Tylar thinks I don't like her. But I laugh! because I sort of stay away because I thought she didn't like me. It's funny how you can get so screwed up or think something is worse than it is.
Right now I'm going through an ackward friendship stage. It's the part where you do something that your friends just don't know how to handle so they back away. And it's not to be rude, it's just that they don't know what to do or what to say. And then things get more complicated then they should. All I can really do though is keep being myself and let them see that you know, everything's ok. I don't mind if you can't handle it or don't want to talk about it. But you know, you should. You should tell me how you feel, cus I'm not a spoiled brat that will go off and get offended if you tell me that I'm too complainy or that you aren't comfortable with me talking about seasonal depression. I'm not a kid, and you're my friends so I know you're not doing it in spite but because you love me. I want to be a good friend but how can I do that if you don't tell me when I do something wrong?
Ryan's great. We totally think on the same wave length. I think it's because we're both artists that want to be artists for a living. Because that's what we're pationet about. It was so funny to talk about all these different things that I never knew about him, and I talked about things I knew he never knew about me. Like my depression at my dad's house. I think he's the only one that I've told the complete story too, excluding my grandma. And it was nice. Like it didn't feel like I was bragging about my hard life or that I was going all pity party. I told him the facts, that's it.
We talked a lot about my complaining, since Sam told him she thinks I do it too often. I know I do. But we talked more about why I do. I do it because of my time at my Dad's. I do it because I love acting and if this falls through then who am I? What am I going to do with my life? I can't do anything else, this is what I want. So I get scared. And I show it by worrying, by complaining. I know I shouldn't, but it just comes out. I'm not giving myself an excuse, I'm just telling facts.
I don't want acting to just be a phase in my life, like writing and drawing and music. I want it to be what I am. The way I express myself. I don't want it to get old and die, but that's what everything has done in my life--from ballet to flute to even religion. I don't want it to be just an intrest but a lifestyle. You don't know what it's like. The thrill, the sorrow, the happiness. It goes through me like a wind of warmth. Like I'm on top of the world, like there's nothing I can't do. I've finally found something I'm good at after all these years of wishing there was something I was good at. After longing for that thing that's mine that I can say, "Ya, I'm the drama person." It's been something that I've wanted for a while.
But if something ever happens to throw you off the edge suddenly you guys aren't friends anymore.
Well this hasn't happened. You see, last night my friend Ryan slept over. We talked for 6 hours. It was really nice. We talked a lot about our friends and what we like and don't like (the good of course overpowering the bad). He told me about how Tylar thinks I don't like her. But I laugh! because I sort of stay away because I thought she didn't like me. It's funny how you can get so screwed up or think something is worse than it is.
Right now I'm going through an ackward friendship stage. It's the part where you do something that your friends just don't know how to handle so they back away. And it's not to be rude, it's just that they don't know what to do or what to say. And then things get more complicated then they should. All I can really do though is keep being myself and let them see that you know, everything's ok. I don't mind if you can't handle it or don't want to talk about it. But you know, you should. You should tell me how you feel, cus I'm not a spoiled brat that will go off and get offended if you tell me that I'm too complainy or that you aren't comfortable with me talking about seasonal depression. I'm not a kid, and you're my friends so I know you're not doing it in spite but because you love me. I want to be a good friend but how can I do that if you don't tell me when I do something wrong?
Ryan's great. We totally think on the same wave length. I think it's because we're both artists that want to be artists for a living. Because that's what we're pationet about. It was so funny to talk about all these different things that I never knew about him, and I talked about things I knew he never knew about me. Like my depression at my dad's house. I think he's the only one that I've told the complete story too, excluding my grandma. And it was nice. Like it didn't feel like I was bragging about my hard life or that I was going all pity party. I told him the facts, that's it.
We talked a lot about my complaining, since Sam told him she thinks I do it too often. I know I do. But we talked more about why I do. I do it because of my time at my Dad's. I do it because I love acting and if this falls through then who am I? What am I going to do with my life? I can't do anything else, this is what I want. So I get scared. And I show it by worrying, by complaining. I know I shouldn't, but it just comes out. I'm not giving myself an excuse, I'm just telling facts.
I don't want acting to just be a phase in my life, like writing and drawing and music. I want it to be what I am. The way I express myself. I don't want it to get old and die, but that's what everything has done in my life--from ballet to flute to even religion. I don't want it to be just an intrest but a lifestyle. You don't know what it's like. The thrill, the sorrow, the happiness. It goes through me like a wind of warmth. Like I'm on top of the world, like there's nothing I can't do. I've finally found something I'm good at after all these years of wishing there was something I was good at. After longing for that thing that's mine that I can say, "Ya, I'm the drama person." It's been something that I've wanted for a while.
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