HAHA I ROCK. Well except for the part where I threw up in the resturant....ya...that was embaressing. But the people were so nice! They brought me hot lemon water and such. It was really sweet of them.

So the weekend with my dad turned out great. We connected and I was able to slap (metaphorically) the people of the church in the face. HA! All it took was not being guilty and just being myself and showing I love myself. I at least earned back the respect of my dad and quite frankly, I don't really care if I don't have the respect of the church.

PLUS we did auditions for the new play. Guess who rocked it? I did! I was so nervous. haha. But I had everyone in shock by the end of it. I am so getting that role. And the best part is, not because I'm in grade 12 drama and that grade 12's get the better parts. NO because I am a great actress. Yes I am! Woot! Just so happy to actually do it really well.

And Dayne talked to me. Just for a bit but I think I've moved up a rung on his scale.

Watched Gossip Girl with Sam. I hate to admit it, but it's pretty good. Chuck Bass is very cute, although he has squinty eyes.

Yah, that annoyed me....

Anywho. I hope we find out who got what parts. I hope Zak gets Alan! He's so amazing at it. (haha Dayne also tried out but he's just too level headed I find to play the part of frantic Alan. And I'm not just saying this because I want him to play a different part!)

One bad thing, Denver cannot play Michele. I'm sorry. You've had three days to memorize lines and yet you still do not even remotly know them (I think I could have said them better and I don't even know that part!) And when you can't take direction from the director, ooo ouch >_<. That's not good. I'm sorry. I know you tried but if you had tried harder you could have been a great Michele I think. But you're just not cutting it now.

Sob* but he's the only one who applied for that part. But I know Mrs. Longley, and I know she will put the perfect people in the perfect roles. I love Mrs. Longley so much! She's such a good teacher and knows exactly how to make things better. haha, she can be annoying sometimes because she really pushes people to do their full potiential. And, of course, some people just don't want that. It's actually pretty funny I find.

I'll go now, sigh why does drama have to be last block? I don't want to wait!

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This is me,

I'm avoiding things

I just want to party and get drunk, but my reason's are not good at all. I want to drink, forget and rebel. To me it's a bad sign. Last weekend I went drinking for fun. To be with friends. Now I want to go to a party I know will not be as tame or as many people I know. I won't be going with someone. I just don't want to talk to dad because he sucks. I...

Dayne will be there as well. But why even try?? Frick it's not like I stand a better chance drunk. He doesn't like me. Period. He puts up with me. But I love him. Or at least I think I do. I probably don't, it's probably some stupid teen thing. I hate it, I love it.

I won't be going. But god I want to. So bad. But there's no way I can go. Not a chance. If I end up going it will probably be my last day of freedom. Grandma will find out somehow. She's already onto me. I want to party so bad.

I'm such a horrible person. So close to being emo.

Why do I bother

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Do you know what I've noticed? This blog only has 28 posts and I've had it for over a year. Reading back on all my old posts was really painful. There so spread out and scatter brained. I tried hiding my identity but really, no one that I know is going to find this blog. So here's an update to clear things up.

My auntie from my earlier posts is actually my grandma. I'm living with her right now. You see I was living with my mom until I decided to move in with my dad. My dad is uber religious and I found out living with him was actually quite sucky. Not wanting to go back to my mom's or remain at my dad's I moved in with my grandma.

So some of my very first posts was during my first year back to high school. My friends were distant and I felt lonely. But after a while they started opening up to me. Over these last few months of the new year, however, me and my friend Kayla (the person who freaked out at Alyssa, "B") because we just aren't compatible friends.

Over the summer I went and saw CATS, our school put it on and I fell in love with it. Especially the character Mr. Mistoffolees. This is when I started to notice Dayne (who played the role of Mr. Misto). And over the summer my crush grew. I even got to see him, both at Safeway and at the music theater workshop I did. (The workshop was fun until the performance day, I got the partner who didn't know his parts.)

When the new school year began I made notes to change myself.

I got a new wardrobe, a new haircut, a new attitude. I re-joined drama and luckily got put in Mrs. Longly's english class. I've started working on Dayne who, I'm sure, knows I like him. And he's started talking to me more.

Now don't go thinking I changed all for him.

No it was for myself. I love the new me. Everything I've done has been for the better. I'm going to reach my goal of getting a good part in Music Theater and of being an awesome actress. Even now I'm still changing and I know it's all for my better.

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