Yes I am a worthless ass. I feel like a tottal dick. Why do I only hear what I want to hear? Only see what I want to see? I don't get it. I try to be a good person, to do what I should but do I? Noooooooo. I mean what's the point? Guy's either go for girls with looks or personality and I have neither. Did I really think I'd get a boyfriend? That I would get over him? He hates me. I can't get over it. I don't want him to. I should dislike her but I can't she's too nice. I should dislike him the ass, but I can't. Dear goodness what the hell was I thinking?

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You know that guy? The one that I blogged about? I just read a post of his that says he's in drama. ?????? I'm in drama. So what's going on? I know he's either in grade 11 or 12 so if he is in drama we'd be in the same class???? So is he someone in my class? Or is he in a different class? Or maybe I'm losing it.

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Not in a good mood today. MONDAYS ARE THE WORST. I totally flopped it in drama, forgetting more than one line and mumbling my words. I got so nervous I feel like a complete loser. All my friends could talk about was the awesome party they went to on Sat. (I wasn't invited) and all the fun they had there. While I was sitting at home while my MOM and DAD partied with my uncle. So everyone had an awesome time while I stayed and watched dumb movies.

AND whenever I ask to come over and do something my friends always have an excuse. It makes me feel lame. LIKE OK, COME ON! This sucks ass. Now I'm at the fucking library, wasting my time. And I'll get picked up, and then go on to babysit my lame brother and sister, who can't seem to get along and always yells at me. WTF??!! THIS SUCKS.

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP DITCHING ME? AM I THAT BORING? EMBARRASSING? LIKE SHIT ALL I WANTED WAS TO HAVE SOME FRIENDS AND GO OUT AND DO TEENAGER THINGS. IS THAT SO WRONG????????????????????????

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So there's this guy's blog, I love reading it. And he goes to the same school I go to. It's really weird. It makes me wonder which person he is. What does he look like? Is he like his blog in real life? Or is that just a show? It's curious because if he is like how he expresses himself on his blog then I really want to meet him. If he's not then I guess it's just not worth my time. But God if he's like his blog and hot then I definitely want to meet him.

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I am enjoying going to high school. It's actually helping me. (Wow.) I mean I'm not really that confident (despite what you may think). What do people think of me? I always let myself be pushed last and try and avoid things. But ever since going to high school I seem to be getting more self esteem. I don't just look at the sidewalk anymore-- I actually look up and enjoy the view. I know that sounds lame but I used to look down and get all nervous before. And I asked a guy to dance with me, (ok I know I'm pathetic) I really felt good about myself. Maybe it's because I'm in drama. One of the things that I had difficulty with is catching people's eye while preforming. You know, eye contact. But now it doesn't bother me at all! Woo! Go ME!

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Dances fricken rock. The pounding of the bass, the extreamly loud music. And best of all the really hot guys. I was dancing and a complete hottie came up and started dancing with me. I loved it. No one thought, most conversations blocked out. Just move, who cares? I had a lot of fun with my friends. It's hilarious, acting like lesbians. Woot. So ya it was fucking great.

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Yes hello again to nobody, because no one has actually ever seen this blog. Yes well....

Anyways I'm in a better mood today so my post might actually be my first happy one! Yay me!

But all in all I miss A. I guess I shouldn't since like he didn't even notice me, but we had some good conversations and he's so hott. Sigh yes I do miss him. I also miss my bff. Hopefully she comes up for x-mas. That would rock.

I'm so excited for Halloween. I love dressing up. It's even better than just regular dress-up because you get candy!! Mmmm.....

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Well here I am starting a blog about my life not that it's interesting but writing on this thing might keep me out of trouble. Unfortunatly I have more important things to do right now than to update anything so see you when I have time.

~Chicca

chicca chicca boom boom

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